i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
