Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
