Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Let's get the cat blown out
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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