i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
