So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
