If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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