Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
