I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
