she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
