I smell stomach acid.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
