oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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