I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
