A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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