Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
