No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
