What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
