He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize