still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
