genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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