he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
