i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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