It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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