Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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