we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you had me at cake vodka
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
