drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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