Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
