How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
