God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
