WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
