my shit smells like andre
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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