Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hippo gnu deer
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
