the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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