You can't motorboat a personality
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
