brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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