Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
