the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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