My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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