I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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