you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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