I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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