so that wasnt chicken after all
I can tuck mytits in my pants
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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