I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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