Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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