my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
