A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Its about making memories worth repressing
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Randomize
