Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
