none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm jealous of your bromance
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize