im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
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So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
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Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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