Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin