Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??