final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
