mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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