I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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