If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
