Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
