Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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