no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
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I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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