I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize
