you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
