i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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