hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
