It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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