last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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