Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
