they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
