you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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