So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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