somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
