Soap is not a condiment
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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