remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
