That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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