So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
