sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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