We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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