we have officially lost it.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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