I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
