i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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