The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
