matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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