I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
