This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
